Donald Trump Declares War on Poetry
🖋️ Make America Poetic Again — Poetry fights back.
Speech
Thank you, thank you. Tremendous crowd, the best people. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.
Look, we’ve got a very serious problem in this country. Nobody wants to talk about it. But I’m going to talk about it. Because I’m not afraid. I’m very brave—possibly the bravest. Some people are saying it.
The problem is poetry.
That’s right—poetry. It’s everywhere. In the schools, in the libraries, in the coffee shops—probably in the soy lattes. I walked past a university the other day, I saw a kid reading something. Looked like a haiku. Very dangerous. I said, “That’s it. We’re done.”
We’re banning it. All of it.
Starting next week—poetry will be illegal in the United States of America. Zero poems. Zero sonnets. No limericks. Not even riddles that rhyme. Out. Gone. Banned.
People said, “But sir, what about Shakespeare?” I said, “Look, Shakespeare—total loser. Too many words, too much drama. We like action. We like winning. Not iambic pentameter!”
We’re going to deport the poets, folks. You write a poem? Boom—Siberia. You read a poem? Double Siberia. We’re talking the cold part. Frozen tundra. We’ll build a wall of snow—Russia can pay for it. Why not?
And let me be very clear:
Rhyming couplets? TREASON.
Free verse? SOCIALISM.
Haiku? FOREIGN INTERFERENCE.
Instead of poetry, we’re going to bring back facts. Beautiful facts. Strong numbers. Tremendous data. Much better than metaphors—nobody understands metaphors. I’ve read poetry—it’s confusing, it’s vague, it’s full of feelings. We don’t want feelings—we want greatness.
So starting now, we say NO to stanzas, and YES to America.
Thank you, God bless you, and may your syllables never add up to seventeen again.
Next Speaker âžś William Shakespeare
Browse the whole campaign âžś Make America Poetic Again
Start here anytime âžś Episode 1: Donald Trump